Domestic violence can come in many forms, not all of them physical.
For example, a psychological act of intimidation and manipulation, including gaslighting and other strategies, can be used to cause harm to a victim. Consequently, an abuser develops systematic patterns and behaviors to gain control over a victim.
I was misguided exceedingly early in my life about what an abuser was. I felt that an abuser was someone who had no power, low self-esteem, and out-of-control actions that would impede on a victim’s life. Until I became a victim of abuse early in my life, I had no idea that the abuser had complete control, to the point where their abusive behaviors were consistent; abusers are calculated and know precisely what they are doing to make a victim submit to their power and demands. An abuser is intentional about the pain that they cause. Victims are ambushed and then isolated from those around them who could support them in finding help. In my encounter, the abuser would calculate his steps and use tactics to create an impractical demand. This would mean that I would fail and not be able to meet his unrealistic needs. Domestic violence is now a silent paradigm that we must all realistically approach with caution and not take casually or for granted. As painful as it is, many of us have lost loved ones who didn’t survive abuse. It is imperative to get involved and learn safe ways that we can help victims of abuse.
So many of us have experienced abuse on some level, missed the red flags, or didn’t know we were victims until it was too late. Many of us feel the unsettled emotions that confuse us, and some have fallen prey to “the honeymoon stage.” The honeymoon phase is after an abuser has exploited the victim; the cycle is to create a safe space for the victim—a sense of security for the victim to feel safe enough to trust the abuser again. Then, after the honeymoon phase, there is a phase called the tension phase, where the abuser will orchestrate their tactics by building friction, demanding improbable requirements of a victim, and finally, the explosion phase, which the abuser uses to commit abuse on the victims. I can recall many familiar incidents from the abuse I suffered.
I had entered uncharted territory when I became victimized, and many years after my escape, I still suffered immensely. It doesn’t matter when the abuse starts or at what age; it is abuse. For many of us, the cycle goes unnoticed because of the various levels. In any crisis, the victim learns ways of surviving; every second may feel like they are walking on eggshells to keep the predator happy.
Do you know someone who is being abused? Are you a victim of abuse? Please find victim advocates, abuse hotlines, or help from local authorities that can assist you in finding shelter. I was astonished by how many people knew of the abuse, had become immune, and didn’t want to be involved in assisting. Domestic violence awareness month is to educate and advocate for those who have survived and those who have lost their lives from abuse. I want to encourage us as a community to become more involved in kelp through the most difficult challenges of any domesticated crisis. Domestic violence is a crime, and becoming involved will not enact infractions on a victim’s privacy; as I’ve realized the power of using my voice, I’ve decided to launch a campaign to educate people about the “Faces of an Abuser.” And how we can stay involved. So many of us can speak from our own experiences or knowledge of what we’ve learned about abuse. Let me share what I have learned through my experience of being a victim of abuse. The aggressive behaviors were a false sense of emotions I perceived were signs of love and affection. However, they were unrecognizable from how I had grown up understanding love to be. I grew up in love and always knew love was kind and patient. Love is not conditional unless mutually understood; it can be unorthodox and unconventional, but it is never meant to be intimidating or manipulative. Love takes many forms, and pretense is not one of them. If someone loves you, it is reciprocal, and one should never give more than the other. Love is balance, and it has no respect for a person; love doesn’t make you carry out demands, nor should it be defined as abusive and harmful. Abuse impedes the fulfillment of what love is meant to give.
Love is never erroneous. Because abuse is a façade and selfish, it is a distorted view enforced on victims. Let’s explore more facts; Victims leave and return to the abuser at least seven times before they decide to go for good. Victims stay in abusive relationships for various reasons; let’s look at a few reasons a victim might stay in an abusive relationship. If the victim is a child, they are victimized without free will, and the predator grooms them.
The predator may have gained their trust by showing that they care for or understand a child. Many children are looking for a friend whom they can trust. A predator will become trustworthy to gain access to the child. The child could be a victim of incest, child molestation, physical or emotional abuse, live with the abuser, or have some community connection with the predator. Adults could be victims of their childhood, who grew up feeling that the cycle of abuse is a normal behavior even though it is immorally prohibited. Adults become prey due to the entrance of someone they have trusted. Victims may stay because they are financially dependent on the abuser. They may have children, pets, or other loved ones, and for many reasons they stay. Abuse takes on many attributes of protection, and that tactic is used on our vulnerability. Educating ourselves on tactics and what abuse looks like is the key to helping ourselves and others. If you are a victim of abuse, do you have a safe escape route? If you are a victim, are you ready to leave safely? Within our community, there is help. Please reach out to Families In Crisis, a nonprofit organization with many programs to help the community. Families In Crisis 24-hr hotline is 1-888-799-7765
The telephone number is 254-634-1184 or 254-773-7765